The right pair of shoes really can change the world...

What oh what is this blog gonna be about??? Probably as random as my thoughts.. In my quest for something for my mind and body to do I have begun my journey to the mini marathon that I as usual have given myself very little time to really accomplish without punishment. It's all good though because in this short half day since I've announced my plans I have 2 woman that have offered to train (aka beat the hell out of me) and another that is just sooooooo upbeat and makes me want to be better just knowing this busy mom, with a job outside the home, a small business, and still has time to make those around her feel like the only person in the world.  Plus so many other "you can do it's"...

I must admit when I told my husband  I was "researching mini's" he said "really" and turned over and went back to sleep.. That at first really hurt my feelings. I of course said nothing but in my brain I was thinking all these thoughts about how he NEVER supports me, he is ALWAYS so whatever when it comes to my dreams...blah blah blah... Then I made a CHOICE to let it go... Of course he would act like that considering I have started a few projects over the years only to not finish.. Actually I don't START things.. If I'm going to do it I do it 110% and burn out quickly... So those ALWAYS and NEVERS were replaced in my brain with WAIT AND SEE... Ironically it so happened that when we next talked about it he had "researched" and was surprisingly supportive..but in the end I decided that I didn't need anyone's support.. This is for ME... this is something I want to do for "me" time that is sooo perfect for my music addiction.. 

My playlist is soooo random.. I had no idea how great Big and Rich is to run to.. then of course Buckcherry was very inspiring and somewhat a look into me.. who knew???(Heather Lawless NO COMMENTS HERE) But ultimately the song that I can't get out of my head after my run was OAR's Ctiy on Down... I think because it spoke to me sooooo much.. "Just a while ago my soul was confused, amused at what it did not know..days went by and amusement cried..I decided it was time..got to move on now but I was so scared...I was frightened.. somewhat enlightened..so I changed my shoes.. now I walk through a valley of color....Much better than the other..." 

I went today to buy new running shoes and as my love for shoes goes I NEVER thought about "pretty" shoes to run in.. BUT today I went to Trax and I literally said, "This may be the craziest thing you have EVER heard but I LOVE HIGH HEELS and I want some shoes that make me happy EVERY DAY when I go run.." I left that store with $115 less, but a new best friend (yes the girl and I exchanged numbers and she is making my butt RUN and she teaches ZUMBA.. hello??), and some REALLY cool shoes.. In fact as I'm typing my boy just walked in from school and said "Mommy did you get new shoes?? Those are soooo cool. Can I have some??" 

So I guess what I learned is you can stay in the EXACT same place and find new life and make a choice to see things differently.. I still have a house full of laundry and dust and dinners that need to be planned but at the end of today I think OAR says it better than I ever could....

"I decided to let my soul fly on by itself...pick happiness up...bring it back to the shelf...we will be okay one day...in a valley we will stay..no more moving on..."

And how it all started

Feeling very much like a young Hemmingway as I sit here in the coffee shop trying to think what in the world I want to think about.. But I am nothing like him at all.. The said "coffee shop" is actually a big chain store with lots and lots of books because they have an internet connection and for some reason my creativity leaves when my wifi in the house we pay for is on.  I am married as he was but my four kids are actually very much going to influence my time as he of course could not see.  Also, I don't think he had an ipod listening to "Pink" in order to find his inner zen... Other than that.. Just a like, we are!!! 


I do feel like I'm on the cusp of something.. I have this brain that constantly spins in every known direction hence the title of the blog.. well actually that's a lie.. It is my brain but it is also one of my favorite things that Eddie Vedar sings as he shows us his mind in the song Black.. I have a million things I want to accomplish that I have put on hold to some degree so that my children could get food and baths or whatever and so that my husband could enjoy his career without having to wonder where the children were.. I still feel all that has to be done and currently am not so good at it.. I need a plan. I need direction.. I need something to do daily that makes me use my brain because the laundry and meal planning is not exactly what my parents paid for me to do with my college degree.. Not to mention I have some GREAT ideas.. just don't know what direction will be the most fruitful and fulfilling..


Somehow I imagine that most woman feel like this.. Even though my kids are NOT grown and most definitely CANNOT manage alone as of yet there are still things that my spirit needs..I enjoy the "growing up" years with my kids more than some maybe. I am not sad, yet.  I am glad to NOT change diapers and wake up all night. I am happy to share clothes and shoes with my daughters and I LOVE it when my oldest fixes my hair.. I also love to hear their stories. The ones about boys and teachers and bugs.. Those I won't elaborate on too much that will be for their future blogs but I want to be plugged in with them and still have my own brain.. Can I do that? Is that allowed? Is that possible?? 


And I leave you with a verse from Black:


I take a walk outside 
I'm surrounded but some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away