Feeling very much like a young Hemmingway as I sit here in the coffee shop trying to think what in the world I want to think about.. But I am nothing like him at all.. The said "coffee shop" is actually a big chain store with lots and lots of books because they have an internet connection and for some reason my creativity leaves when my wifi in the house we pay for is on. I am married as he was but my four kids are actually very much going to influence my time as he of course could not see. Also, I don't think he had an ipod listening to "Pink" in order to find his inner zen... Other than that.. Just a like, we are!!!
I do feel like I'm on the cusp of something.. I have this brain that constantly spins in every known direction hence the title of the blog.. well actually that's a lie.. It is my brain but it is also one of my favorite things that Eddie Vedar sings as he shows us his mind in the song Black.. I have a million things I want to accomplish that I have put on hold to some degree so that my children could get food and baths or whatever and so that my husband could enjoy his career without having to wonder where the children were.. I still feel all that has to be done and currently am not so good at it.. I need a plan. I need direction.. I need something to do daily that makes me use my brain because the laundry and meal planning is not exactly what my parents paid for me to do with my college degree.. Not to mention I have some GREAT ideas.. just don't know what direction will be the most fruitful and fulfilling..
Somehow I imagine that most woman feel like this.. Even though my kids are NOT grown and most definitely CANNOT manage alone as of yet there are still things that my spirit needs..I enjoy the "growing up" years with my kids more than some maybe. I am not sad, yet. I am glad to NOT change diapers and wake up all night. I am happy to share clothes and shoes with my daughters and I LOVE it when my oldest fixes my hair.. I also love to hear their stories. The ones about boys and teachers and bugs.. Those I won't elaborate on too much that will be for their future blogs but I want to be plugged in with them and still have my own brain.. Can I do that? Is that allowed? Is that possible??
And I leave you with a verse from Black:
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded but some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away
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