The last few months I have really been doing evaluations of what is important in my life, in my history, and how those things have made me who I am.. When I enrolled in College at Western Kentucky University, my Mother was determined I was going to Go Greek. Me, I wasn't so sure.. It's not that I didn't like having a million girlfriends or that I didn't want the experience, but you see I was in my Pearl Jam phase (not to be confused with those pearls you see around my neck often now!) My REM..My Nirvana..and that was not a shiny happy place. I wanted to forget the Vineyard Vines Chinos with the whales on them that my Mother thought were so cute and anything else that had to do with "Preppie".. I did't put my "lipstick on" or do more that wear a ponytail mostly in rebellion to the roots that had raised me.. I wanted to be "different" (while conforming with the music imagines that MTV used to show in videos). I was "soooo" different.. No wonder my parents thought I was "the most brilliant different child that looked liked everyone else".. Oh, I would never redo High School...
Then I got to the dorm.. I had met my roommate on a shopping trip for matching comforters but we weren't "friends" yet as this was before cell phones and texting and long distance used to cost money.. (and oh my goodness I am that old woman I always laughed at..) anyway, she was rushing.. I didn't want to sit in my room alone so I too decided I would "make my Mom happy" and see what it was all about. We had some girls across the hall that also went with us. One of which ended up being one of the best friends I ever had. It was scary as all of these happy loud girls chanting forever old chats in bright colors from pink, to red, to purple, to green seemed to be EVERYWHERE... and me in my t-shirt and jeans determined to NEVER go back to the bright colors of the Hamptons EVER again...
Then a strange thing happened.. We went in and met each of these "groups" on their turf, with their colors, and silver, and beautifully decorated chapter rooms that very much looked like "home". They were real people, they were trying to get us to want them, they were asking questions and seemed like they cared.. They understood the scariness of being 2 hours away from home and they were like me. It didn't take long for me to know which place I belonged.. The pearls, the pink, the fact that my (soon to be) "Big" sister was one of the people I most looked up to in High School.
At some point we were reminded of the rules: always be back by Sunday night for Chapter meetings that you couldn't wear Kurt Cobain to. You had to dress and "respect yourself and the space". The meetings were real and to be taken seriously. You NEVER smoke or drink and wear letters (which is an issue since you are ALWAYS wearing letters). You NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE spend the night in the fraternity house. (even if you leave before sun up). Your grades matter, after all that IS what your parents are spending all that money on. Also, you wouldn't be able to attend the functions if you weren't passing. That would stink. You are to always put your "sisters"first. You never leave them at a party or any place that they could be harmed. There are several things that remain secret and must always in order to protect that bond that you make.
It all kinda seems silly as an adult but looking back because why wouldn't you want to do these things on your own.. but it wasn't . It's kinda of like why do you make your bed everyday if you are just going to get back in it? Because it's a discipline. These girls taught me to have respect for myself and if you screw up you are going to get called out for it because you are not only representing yourself, you are representing your school and your Chapter. You dress for meetings because you are learning the importance of looking nice in public and you are not taught how to dress for The Club.. It is modest and correct attire that will serve you well in the future when you go to a business function or when you have to dress for a dinner. They teach you the reason to not act a fool in public (although those lessons mixed with freedom from parents sometimes take a few times to learn and the discipline girls are TOUGH) or so I've heard.. (first hand one time and one time only!) Most important they taught you the reason to be a good friend and have each others' backs. They taught you that what your "Sisters" say matters and that it is in your best interest to hear them and to also be heard by them when they need it... It taught me above all that respect for self and others is what a legacy is..
Phi Mu is something that I have let slip in my post college years. That is NOT what we were taught. We were suppose to always be involved with our sorority. I have not been back to help the Chapter or even to homecoming. I have been raising babies and finding new friends.. Ironically though, Phi Mu has found me. I have always gotten my monthly magazine and wear my pin from time to time. When I decorate my house I think often of the Chapter room that was so much like home. I love my family silver. I love my family pearls (though I still love Pearl Jam.. I can now just love Eddie without having to dress like him!) and when I see a pink carnation I always smile.. I am so glad that I have these girls as sisters and forever friends and it is really sweet to meet new ladies and find out they too were Phi Mu sisters after I left. It's funny that I seem to connect with certain people and eventually find out that some of them really do share a bond with me that no one else ever will.
Anyone that thinks that Sorority life is just about "buying friends" obviously never experienced it. It is deeper than that. It is a connection that is unexplainable. These ladies are what "class" is all about. Literally. They are the woman that are in our weddings. They are like picking up an old locket and remembering special memories. They shared the most freeing times in our lives and they taught us how to not be catty, petty, trashy woman. They were there to remind us what our Mothers and Grandmothers and Great Grandmothers wanted for us. A life full of love, children, happiness. A life that when we leave this Earth we left it better than when we got here. It has taken me a long time to find myself again but roots run deep and I "remember where I came from" and my kids are going to be so happy when I go back to Vineyard Vines and buy them the Chinos with the whale on them or go to Lilly and get the girls Phi Mu headbands in hopes that my legacy will live on... I am glad I "stopped the world and went Phi Mu!" And I'm proud to have each of you in my lives again!
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